Are you aiming to give a TEDx talk? Read my best pieces of advice to conquer the red dot!
On November 4, 2022, I delivered my talk: How to seek forgiveness when relationships are on the line.
The talk dropped on YouTube on December 16, 2022. As I write this blog, three months later, the talk has more than 500.000 views and is steadily climbing.
Many people have asked me what it was like to give a TEDx talk, how it came about, how such a talk is crafted and rehearsed, and, not least, how it is possible to get on that red dot!
I pursued that dream for three years, and along the way, I learned some lessons that could make your journey easier. I will do my best to address those inquiries in this post.
The gold standard of compelling communication
I am a Senior Communications Advisor and Partner at the PR agency Innoventi. In my former career, I was Chief of Staff for the city government in Oslo and a political advisor for the Conservative Party in parliament.
As a communication specialist, I view TEDx as the "gold standard" for captivating presentations. No pressure…
Being a Norwegian, I compare it to participating in a European Championship finale.
Since it is tough to get invited to do a TEDx talk, this is one of the last "gatekeepers" in the digital world. TEDx is a sign of quality.
Two ways to get invited to a TEDx conference
There are two ways to get invited to a conference. The program committee asking is the most common. Maybe the event organizer – or someone on the committee - knows about your work, projects, or ideas and thinks they may fit the next conference.
The other way is pitching your Idea worth spreading to an event organizer. That is hard. I was told that committees rarely choose even to consider drafts from people pitching their ideas. Some of the larger TEDx conferences receive hundreds of such pitches every quarter. And almost no one even gets to talk with the committee.
I highly recommend this blog post by Brian Miller on how to give a TEDx talk.
I wish I'd read that post earlier in my process.
So, what was my process?
Starting the process
In February 2020, I started to write about some ideas I had thought about for quite a while. I did some speaking and presentations early in my career, but at this point, I'd been more of a "backbencher" for several years.
I felt like stepping up, and I felt a need to make my dent in the universe. I knew I had some lessons learned that could help others. And working as a communicator, I was looking for a stage for communicating an important message. I started to have a closer look at TEDx, and I watched several talks. I realized this was the stage I was looking for!
I had a vague idea of what I wanted to talk about, but I decided to start writing and see if I could get more clarity as I went on. I contacted a coach in Oslo, the capital of Norway, the city I lived in then. We had a few sessions.
My first draft was over 4000 words—almost three times the length of a 12 min TEDx talk. And four or five different ideas were going in at the same time.
The power of forgiveness
How to practically apply the Idea that every human being has the same worth
The lost language of morality
How to use storytelling to understand complex topics
How self-help can be the opposite of grace
Going into a pandemic
Then Covid happened, and we went all virtual. I got some help from an associate professor I knew from my time in politics – we met on Skype occasionally.
During the summer of 2020, I had some long and frustrating writing sessions. I struggled to connect with the main idea I was trying to get a hold of.
However, in august 2020, I finished my first draft and started to rehearse it. I planned to pitch TEDxOslo. I also hired a coach to help me deliver the talk compellingly. The coach was an experienced actor, and I tried hard to make my words come alive.
First important lesson: You cannot do a TEDx Talk if you're not 100 % confident that the Idea is worth spreading. As Carmine Gallos writes in his book "Talk like TED,": The fundamental ingredient of a compelling TEDx talk is finding whatever makes your heart sing.
As I practiced the first draft, it never really felt like me. The delivery got robotic and distant—many clever lines, quotes, and academic references. But to be honest, it was lifeless.
Then Covid went into a lockdown again, and I finally put the draft away for good.
Moving to Arendal in 2021
In spring 2021, we moved to Arendal in southern Norway. Arendal has the top-ranked TEDx conference in Norway. I sent in my draft and even got the associate professor to nominate me.
But I never got through. "The draft is interesting, but we can’t see why you are the right person to deliver this talk.”
They also had a hard time grasping the main Idea in my speech. I was trying to write about forgiveness without defining which part of this phenomenon I was covering. So, I quoted Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela, and I wrote about the reconciliation process of South Africa. As an academic talk, it might have worked.
But there was no heart, no passion. I brought in my own story, but overall, there needed to be more with which people could resonate.
Reaching out for help
I got rejected. But I could not let the Idea go. So, in October 2021, I booked a discovery call with a few US-based TEDx coaches.
First, I got a video from one coach who was over-selling everything. We could take this to the moon and back and start a forgiveness revolution. However, the coach didn't even remember my name in the pitch and had made similar videos to dozens of potential clients. I had a bad feeling, a feeling of being treated generically.
So, I got on a discovery call with Brian Miller. I had never heard of him, but he seemed professional and relaxed. He also got a TEDx Talk on Human Connection with more than 3,5 million views. I wanted to hire a coach who had successfully made the TEDx Journey.
We discovered we shared an interest in guitar playing on our first call. That is a killer icebreaker 😊
Then we started to dig into my Idea. Or rather: my non-existing Idea. I talked. A lot. And he gracefully listened and guided me as we went on.
The red flags of the first draft and the solutions
As Brian analyzed the draft, three problems immediately jumped out:
There's not a clearly defined core message at the heart of the talk
The story is about Peder, not the audience
It's a collection of interesting but ultimately separate points
We spent the next two months meeting weekly in deep-dive conversations about what forgiveness meant to me and how to make it clear, understandable, and relevant to the organizers. Together we developed the three points of his Core Message Triad (the proprietary methodology Brian uses at Conquer the Red Dot™):
The one-sentence that serves as the core message, a filter through which everything else must pass.
A compelling story hook that makes my story about the audience, not about me.
An argument that makes a rational case for my big Idea.
The feedback on my existing draft was rough:
He first said, "I totally get what the program committee told you. This script is all about you".
What harsh feedback. But I knew that it was true. And I needed someone to tell me.
Then he went on: "The biggest problem so far is that there's no hint of what TED calls an "Idea Worth Spreading," a goal or destination, or why this talk is relevant to the audience. Why should someone listen?".
I decided: I would make this work no matter what it took! I reached out to people. I conducted interviews and completed surveys online. I read books on the topic and scanned for all research literature on the field.
Here are two excellent books on the topic
We used 6 - 8 sessions to understand what I wanted to talk about clearly.
We used a formula to create my idea worth sharing: Action + outcome.
My big idea: "To practice the skill of asking for forgiveness on a regular basis so that we truly own our screw-ups when relationships are on the line."
We built 3 main arguments that I used for pitching the talk:
A1:
We all want to be forgiven for our screw-ups. But the real problem is that we no longer use the language of morality, like 'guilt,' 'sin,' or 'shame.' According to a study at the University of Notre Dame, students today don't know how to frame and think through moral issues because they don't have the words. The first step to asking for forgiveness is to articulate to ourselves and others what we feel deep down.
A2:
The truth is: that we are what we do, not what we say. Once we have reclaimed the language of morality, we need to put it into practice. We will never be prepared to ask for forgiveness in the big, important moments if we aren't consistently practicing in the small, daily moments.
A3:
However, just because you ask for forgiveness doesn't mean you deserve it. That's why it's so hard to own your screw-ups because it's truly risky. But when you don't deserve it, and someone grants you forgiveness anyway, you could receive the most beautiful gift: grace.
Pitching
We had a Big Idea and three main arguments. In addition, I had written out my origin story, explaining why I am the right person to deliver this message on a TEDx stage.
The first part of my talk is my origin story. Have a look from 00:49 to 02:48.
Here's Party Peder for you…. (Once you've seen the talk, you will understand)
Meeting the event organizer
Within a sixty-minute coffee meeting, I had given it all into my pitch. It was now or never.
So, when we left the café, I asked her: “Is there any chance I could get a yes or a no within the next couple of months?”
She replied: “Let’s do this!
I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. My big dream was about to become a reality. Wow.
Writing the talk
Starting in August 2022, I had 5-6 weeks of hard work to write the draft.
I wrote different parts- following the outline, and then we went through each piece in our sessions.
I wanted it to resonate with the everyday life of people in the audience, and it became vital for me to ensure that the audience could relate to my stories and arguments.
There were two custom paintings given to me by someone that became an important part of the story of my talk. Instead of taking photos of them and displaying them on slides, we decided instead to actually display the real paintings on stage.
They became a vital part of the ending.
Rehearsal
Finally, in September, we had a final draft. Time to practice! My goal was to practice 200 times.
I set a countdown on my phone. Two down, well, only 198 to go. I practiced the talk everywhere: jogging, sitting in the car, in the shower, and on my bed. I also filmed the talk with my phone to check
In the end, I was fed up with the whole script. But I knew it was good, and I knew it would have an impact.
I got a couple of performance coaching sessions with the brilliant Lindsay Rae Cohen, who works with Brian at Conquer the Red Dot™. And we worked especially hard to make the inflections right. And the timing of a couple of jokes in the talk.
Pre-talk marketing
As a part of the pre-talk marketing, I wrote several articles on the topic. Some pieces were meant for social media and blogging, and some were for traditional newspapers. I also made a few short videos, teasing without spoiling the talk.
Here’s an example of a pre-talk post on Facebook/LinkedIn.
“Peder, I don’t think you’re ready for the TEDx stage.” I’d been working on my pitch for 1.5 years. I had even gone all in and written a full script of the talk. I’d shared it with friends and family, and they seemed to like it. But outside of my immediate social circle, the talk didn’t resonate. I wanted to talk about the power of forgiveness and grace. Learning to ask for forgiveness changed my life, and I was determined to share those same lessons with the broadest possible audience. Looking back, I realize why that script didn’t connect with TEDx organizers: It was all about me. Plus, it was cold and academic. I was disappointed, but I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t leave it alone. I needed to tell my story, knowing it would make a difference to others. So I took a risk and hired a TEDx speaking coach in the United States to help clarify the idea for next year’s conference. Through our work, I started to think about asking for forgiveness differently. I began to ask friends and colleagues what they thought about forgiveness. I learned how to tell my story in a way that isn’t about me but about the audience. So I submitted it again. And this time, I was invited to speak at TEDxArendal this November. Now I’ve written down the core of who I am, and in just six weeks, I hope it will connect with the heart of others. I’ve spent nearly three years working towards this talk, and I have no idea if it will do what I hope. But I’m going all in.
The conference
The week of the conference, my whole family got sick. We were back at work on Wednesday, and I checked into the hotel with the other speakers that night.
One thing I hadn’t thought about was the introduction from the hosts. I got a draft from the person introducing me, and I sat down and wrote a new text. It is essential not to reveal any of the main points of the talk before you have entered the stage. So, I wrote a pretty “boring” introduction 😊
Thursday night, we had a speaker dinner. Here’s my two-minute presentation:
Hi, I’m Peder, a partner and senior consultant at Innoventi.
Tomorrow I’ll speak about How to Seek Forgiveness When Relationships are On the Line.
I’ll have three main points in my talk.
First, we have lost the language of morality, which makes it hard to be clear about moral issues. We need to fix that.
Second, what we do in small, we do in large. I will speak about the value of practicing asking for forgiveness in the small, daily moments.
And when you do these two things, something incredible can happen, but you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out what that is.
Interestingly, my TEDx talk tomorrow is about the personal side of an issue I’m professionally passionate about
As a communication specialist, I work with mission-driven organizations. I’m trying to help the environment and sustainability movement communicate better. The environmental movement is failing, and we’re running out of time.
But I don’t believe it’s failing because people don’t care. I think it’s failing because we, the environmentalists, are doing a terrible job communicating what needs to be done and why.
So, my professional work is all about using better communication to save the planet, while my talk tomorrow is about using better communication to protect our relationships.
Dress rehearsals were Thursday afternoon. I made a behind-the-scenes video for the days leading up to the conference. You can have a look at that here:
Game day
TEDxArendal 2022 started at noon Friday, November 4. I was speaker number three in the first out of three sections.
PERFORMANCE
Wow! I was much less nervous during the actual talk than during dress rehearsals. Among the more than 700 people in the audience were my wife, parents, and sister. I saw my father from the stage, and as the people who saw the talk would imagine, that was quite intense.
There are two essential audiences for a TEDx Talk. First, the people who physically attend the conference. Second, viewers worldwide on YouTube.
It helps to connect with the audience when the talk is delivered. I practiced looking one person in the eyes for a few seconds and moving on to the next person. I didn’t manage to do that during my whole talk, but at least in some parts. That helped.
Another tip I got was planting myself on the ground before starting the talk. I was determined not to rush into the talk as the first line was crucial.
When I stood at the red dot, delivering the talk, all the long hours of rehearsals paid off. Like any speaker, I was worried I would need to remember parts of the script. I wasn’t even close to doing that. Practicing the talk 150 – 200 times worked well.
I almost choked up in the last part of the talk, but fortunately, I managed to finish.
When I left the stage, the tears just poured out. I haven’t cried that much since I was a baby. Wow, this was powerful.
I the break afterward, the response was overwhelming. I was so grateful. People told me the talk was relevant to them and gave them value. That was my whole goal.
Here are two articles from regional media covering the talk.
The conference organizers gifted each speaker an Artificial intelligence painting, using keywords from each of our talks. Here’s what AI came up with for mine:
Post-talk marketing
When the talk drops, it is all about hitting the YouTube algorithms. Much of having a successful video is about timing and things outside of your control. But there is certainly stuff you could do to improve your chances of luck appearing.
I learned that:
Seventy-five percent of TEDx Talks have less than 1000 views.
Only two percent have more than 10,000 views.
So, the talks generally appearing in our newsfeeds are the few successful ones.
I need to write another blog post about post-talk marketing since I’ve just started. The talk dropped on YouTube on December 16, 2022. It already has 500k views and is climbing.
On January 1, 2023, I received a message on LinkedIn telling me that the talk was listed on the Top 10 World's TEDx Chart for Most Watched TEDx Talks Released on YouTube in December 2022.
By the end of February 2023, I was told that the talk was the 44th most popular TEDx talk of 2022. That’s 44 out of 15,900 talks released to the TEDx YouTube channel in 2022. And it dropped only two weeks before the year’s end, making it the Top 0,2 %.
This spring, I am featured in a documentary about the process called Beyond The Red Dot by Emmy Award Winning filmmaker Kelsey Hammer-Parks.
What are the main takeaways after a three-year TEDx journey?
Clarity is everything
The clarity of the ONE "Idea Worth Spreading" is vital. You need it to succeed. Once I had it (and it took a long time), it became the North Star, towards which everything else was pointed.
What makes your heart sing?
Be true to the idea that makes your heart sing. If you’ve ever considered conquering the red dot, your idea is likely there. Please don’t give up until you find it.
Use a coach
I went all-in to get on the TEDx stage. You might know a coach or colleague that could help you out. But I recommend using a coach who has delivered a successful TEDx talk. TEDx differs from other speaker formats, so the specific experience is valuable.
Storytelling is a powerful tool
And the best thing about it is that you are forced to take the other person’s perspective. It will have minimal effect if people cannot relate to the protagonist (hero) in the story.
Would I do it again?
Two days after my talk, I got sick. Most likely because my immune system was pretty messed up. But I am SO GRATEFUL. This was the most valuable experience of my professional life.
So, would I go through this again? Yes. But I wish I had hired a good coach sooner. That would reduce the time from 3 years to less than one year.
I will do whatever I can to spread the message on YouTube. I can’t wait to see how the talk will be received over the following months and years.
And I have a deep hope that the talk can provide value and help to someone out there. We’re in this together.
