Researching for my TEDx talk “How to seek forgiveness when relationships are on the line,” I aimed to distill knowledge from psychology, behavioral studies, and biblical principles to understand core truths on building trustful relationships.
The top 5 ways to build and maintain a relationship built on trust
1. STOP TALKING, START LISTENING
We tend to be self-aware and not focused on the other person. If we practiced concentrated listening, the world would become a better place.
2. PRACTICE TAKING THE OTHER PERSON'S PERSPECTIVE
Use your imagination to put yourself in the shoes of the other person.
Over time, this helps build generosity; it could have been me.
3. TRY NOT TO MEET CRITICISM WITH A COUNTER-ATTACK
Defending ourselves is the default for most of us. Try another approach.
Do you want to be married, or do you want to be right?
4. PARAPHRASE THE THOUGHTS OF THE OTHER PERSON
Everything we say is coded and decoded. Our job is to ensure that we genuinely
understand the other person's perspective. It is hard - and it is crucial.
5. OWN YOUR SCREW-UPS!
Magic happens when we let go of self-pity or a bitter deflection of the blame
onto others. In my TEDx talk, I explain how to own your screw-ups when relationships are on the line.
These guidelines effectively build trust and help us avoid becoming self-righteous or driven by self-pity.
Once we implement them, we will see the gap between our ideals and our ability to live them out fully. That is in itself wisdom and a pathway to humility. Acknowledging our flaws is the best way to accept others.
Living out these ideals, I am confident people around us will thrive better. Not least, we will like ourselves more. Win-win!
See you next week!
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